Bring Comfort

  Having toddlers in the house is not the norm for us anymore.  We had grand babies stay with us for a week and it was a very busy time.  It was a wonderful visit.

Today, my daughter brought some children over for lunch.  The baby was grumpy and whining while my daughter was trying to prepare the meal.  I entered the room and immediately sat on the floor on the other side of the table and put my shoes on.

I made eye contact with her, but made it clear that I was on the floor to put my shoes on by paying attention to my feet.  When I could see that she was not intimidated by me, I began to pay a bit of peek-a-boo.  Then, I was able to get a little closer and in short order picked her up and brought her out of the area, but within sight of her caretaker.

She appeared comfortable.  So, I brought her to the closet and got a couple of pieces of cereal.  I ate one and then offered her one.  She took it, but held it in her hand.  We then walked around the house and after a bit, went up to the playroom where she was very pleased to play.

She was happy and ready to have lunch.

Earlier in the week, my grandson had been very upset.  He’s two and I couldn’t make out what was the matter.  I gave him a bubble bath and realized that he was just uncomfortable and maybe over heated by the wood stove in the room where he’d been. He was soon his pleasant self again.

I have long held that when we go through some difficulty or some tragedy has befallen us, we have a variety of responses that will lead us to a trajectory of our own making.  We may be aware and intentional, but I think more often we are swept away by the circumstances and it may even take intervention for us to regain our bearings. 

The Bible says, “You shall comfort others with that of which you yourself were comforted.”  I think this gets lost.  

If we don’t actively think about how we deal with situations, we could be thrown into a quagmire of despair or self pity or self destructive behavior. So we need each other.

The illustrations of the children above are to remind us of that face that when we try to approach people that need to be comforted and redirected, we need to empathize: to get into their space without being pushy, to meet them where they are, to recognize their need for security and be cautious not to breach it, to provide positive experiences, and to then reflect on how those needs were or were not met.

In those ways we can become the very person to comfort others that way we need to be comforted.  No one is perfect and we all practice this life everyday.  Let’s practice thoughtfully.

This whole discussion is why Rachel’s Vineyard works to bring healing to post abortive women and men.  The directors have been through the same or very similar situations.  They have no illusions about what it takes to bring healing to a woman who has had an abortion, because they have done the same.  

Empathy is different than sympathy.  Are you able to comfort people with empathy?

Stay Positive

Staying positive without feeling selfish is such a struggle when it comes to ministry and prolife work.

There is a time for everything under the sun: a time to work, a time to fight, a time to sow, a time to rise up, but there is also a time to rest and a time for refraining from fighting.  Everyone needs to regenerate, recreate and rejuvenate.

When I am so tired, I cannot find the words in general conversation, then I know it is time for me to rest, to back off from the overload of, mostly self imposed, deadlines and commitments.

Perhaps you are better at pacing yourself than I am.  Perhaps you are able to allow for extra time in your schedule and for periods of relaxation between events and experiences.  I have a tendency to think I will be able to space things out in such a way that times of rest and inactivity will be on my calendar, but other people see me as a person who gets things done.

So, my best intentions are usually thwarted by people on one team or another who don't realize how many teams I play on.

Most people have a job or a business that they must work at and we have family and friends and relationships within the church or civic organization that we must work at to maintain, clubs we are members of and volunteer organizations. People from each of these may at any time require attention.

I am not suggesting that you or I must cut back or even that we should cut back on any of these things, but we do have to watch out for the fatigue that comes from overextending. No one is good to anyone if they are emotionally, physically or mentally exhausted.

The holidays are especially taxing for many people.  My hope is to be able to drink in the moments with family, enjoy nurturing relationships with others and bask in the quietness in my soul.

I hope you too can be at peace, such that your strength is renewed day by day.

There are still tragic decisions being made, people dying horrifying deaths and abuses of all kinds going on in the world.  Take the baton for a season at a time and ask God to have another take in at other times.

Staying home or visiting with family or friends or just resting is not selfish.  Taking care of yourself first, you will be able to take care of others.

There is a time for rest. Maybe your seasons for work and rest alternate with seasons or maybe they are long or short, but you are here for a purpose.

To fulfill that purpose, you must be intentional. Write rest, recreation and rejuvenation into your calendar.

Happy Holidays

Heroes

We all need heroes.

Everyone needs someone to look up to, someone to trust and admire and someone who will elevate them.  For me and for many of my friends who were conceived in violence, whether parented or adopted, pro lifers are heroes. 

They stand at the gates of the killing centers to dissuade moms.  They give time, money and energy to the care centers and churches.  They open their homes and hearts on a regular basis for hurt, scared girls in distress.  They also go to legislators and lobbyists to try to save children and their parents from our modern civil rights catastrophe.

The media has a different view of heroes.  From X-Men to Jason Borne and Hanna, genetically modified or super-empowerd people are the heroes of current film and culture.  There are also super-equipped heroes like Rocketman, Batman or Ironman from movies.  

We all need heroes, but we don't all aspire to do great things.  People sometimes just want to be protected and cared for.  Too many, I am afraid.  

There isn't enough exposure of our true heroes.  When we see heroes on the big screen, we think, "They are enhanced, they have unlimited funds, they are supernatural." "I could wish all day long and not ever be that hero." That is correct.  We cannot attain what they have.  They are not real.  

There are real heroes though.  Many right in your neighborhood.  You just don't know it because they don't make stuff explode or kill all the bad guys.  The real heroes save lives and rescue the hurting, despairing and destitute.  They are nurses, doctors, firefighters, police, social workers, pastors, teachers, missionaries, neighbors and friends.  They are the very ordinary people who give to the food pantry, the Red Cross, shovel snow from the widow's walkway and foster children, giving others a safe, peaceful, happier life right here in our own circles of influence.

Be the change.  That is what makes a hero.  Do something great.  You really can.  At this time of year, when we are thinking about new beginnings, think about how you can.  Take some time to ask yourself what your gifts and talents are, what your strong desires are and what you want to see changed for the better.  Then, do something.  You will be a hero for someone, maybe for yourself.

Stand Up, Step In

I have always loved living near the East Coast.  The brisk cold water that was so refreshing as a child has become too harsh for me in my older years.  A lot of things in life are like that.  We tolerate things differently as we mature.

From childhood to my early adult years, life was filled with turmoil and various levels of stressful conflict and strife.  The drama of those days is not something I tolerate any more.  I shrug more.  People are people, full of frailty, stupidity and wrath at times, but they can also be generous, compassionate and thoughtful.

My son showed us a video experiment last night.  It was held on a college campus.  The videographer was off in the distance and the subjects were acting out a bullying scene. The goal was to test the student body to see who would respond the the attack.  The results were startling.  Many students walked away quietly, trying not to make eye contact or get involved in any way.  A few stood up for the victim.  

That was sad, but as my husband pointed out it has always been that way.  No one stood up for him in school when he was brutally harassed and beaten every week.  

What is it about minding our business that is confusing?  Where is the line?  When we see someone being taken advantage of, hurt in some way or in danger, shouldn’t we speak up?  

“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” I heard as a child and have told my children.  How does that play out practically in our lives?  We mind our own business first.  We work, pay our bills, take care of our family’s needs and then expand the circle as we can to help out friends and charities, sponsor a child in Haiti or an elderly widow in Bulgaria. 

That’s all fine and good, but what of injustice? There are many ways we help fight injustice.  Giving to charity is one way.  One can give to advocacy groups and others fighting for the rights of impoverished or oppressed people.  Or being a voice on social media and in person.

I offered help to people at abortion facilities for a few years.  Giving them literature and resources to get practical help, counseling for their needs to be met and so they wouldn't kill their children.  This is a readily available site for me, since I am not in school.

In school, one can be alert and step in whenever there is any bullying going on; call a teacher or another student, record the incident on your phone, step into the situation if it’s safe.

Tolerating injustice isn’t something any of us should out grow.  How do you ‘step in’?